GayDadsUSA

A new phase of the journey

 

So, I haven’t written in a while. There’s a reason for that. One should always go with one’s instincts. They’re usually always right. When I stopped the blog back in June, my instincts were correct.

I’m taking a break—whether it’s temporary or permanent, only time will tell.  Too much time and energy has been spent by myself—and conversations with Seth—as to what to include and not include in my blog. How do I tell the truth as I see it about my life and balance what's in my family's best interests? I’ve also received scathing emails about the content of my writings and, quite frankly, it’s not worth it. I will continue writing on my own. I’m writing a tv pilot based on my experiences—sort of gay single dad in the city, sort of thing—and I will return to my book. (if anyone has any publisher contacts, please let me know!)

 

That said, after the most stressful 12 months of my life, I feel more clear and grounded in who I am and where I am in my journey than I've ever been in my life and for that, I'm humbly grateful. As for updates? I will try to be more adept at Facebook. If you’d like to “friend” me there, just mention who you are, and I will do my best to at least put pictures and updates of some kind on there.

And life? Well,  it’s full, as always. Mom sold her house and will be moving in on September 19^th.She’s finally both cancer-free and pain-free thanks to her hip surgery.  Juli begins school on Wednesday, a new school that is highly lauded for working with bright, artistic kids with learning disabilities. Seth is busy with all of the things he does, including doing his show the past three Sundays, in which I sang the last two Sundays. And as for me? I’m still trying to juggle work and home life in order to find time to create.

Thanks to everyone who has been so supportive of me and my journey.  Your emails and kind words and the stories you have shared of your own lives have meant the world to me. Peace!

(here's the first rehearsal of me singing "Morning Glow" for Seth's show two Sundays ago--with Seth contributing to background vocals---an appropriate "send-off" I think!)

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The miracle, times two!

So, Mom is out of the hospital. Got back home last night. Turns out she took a pain pill on Saturday for her hip and that is what caused the horrible vomiting. It was the evil oxycontin. Even though her pain wasn't nearly as severe as before the surgery, it was still the most pain she had had in a week and so she took the last pill in the bottle. Big mistake. However, the good news is that as a result of all the tests while in the hospital, she did have a ct-scan of her brain and her abdominal area, and they were all clear! No return of the cancer. Definitely a gift from all of this mess.

As for my grandmother, she is in much better shape than even two days ago. She didn't have a stroke, though we still don't know what the cloudy stuff is that came up on the PET scan. Turns out she had a major mineral deficiency, brought on my not getting proper nutrients at home, and she had a huge chemical imbalance. Hopefully, both of them have learned lessons. Mom: Don't take pain pills again. She swears she's only going to take Tylenol from now on! Nana: Eat better. She swears she's going to be drinking those Boost/Ensure drinks!

As for my sister, I simply can't write about her any longer. If something major happens, I guess I will. But I'm learning--you would think I would know by now--that a blog is different than writing a book. I am writing a book about all of the events that have surrounded the adoption of Juli, and I am sure I will catch a lot of heat for it (though I'll make sure the book is vetted by a lawyer first!) but a blog needs to be more of a daily update sort of thing, I think, with some minimal personal details thrown in for clarity. Otherwise, I'm going to get into a virtual war with my sister and life is too short for me to do that.

In the meantime, time to celebrate!

Back in the hospital, times two

On the same day that Cheryl’s Mom died, my own grandmother was admitted to the hospital because apparently she had a stroke. I say “apparently” because it is still unclear what happened. However, the PET scan taken shows the front part of her brain to be “cloudy.” Her voice is slurred and the things she is saying are all over the place.  My aunt Ruby said she has talked a lot about me and my grandfather. I have spoken with Nana  a few times and she sounds better now than when I first spoke with her but “better” is compared to sounding frightening on Thursday.  She sounded so frail and vulnerable and confused. I guess she sounded it because that was, in fact, her state of being.

Seth had been busy rehearsing all last week and I’ve been with Juli a lot. I got the news about the stroke when I was with Juli. My aunt had sent me a text message. I read it, said aloud, “Oh, no.” Juli asked me what had happened. I told her and then immediately burst into tears. And then she started crying. It was one of those days.

I also felt horrible that my visits with her were so short when I was in Dallas a few weeks ago. I had specifically planned to spend several days with Nana, for hours at a time. However, it didn’t work out that way because of an incident between my sister and mom a few days earlier. Several days before Seth, Juli, and I were scheduled to go to Dallas/Fort Worth for his set of concerts with Betty Buckley, Mom kicked my sister out of her house. According to my sister, she was cursing at Mom about how Mom had pressured Juli's biological father into giving up his parental rights five years ago. Mom ended up giving her five hours to get out of her house. Unfortunately, for me and Juli and Seth, this meant Mom and Sis would not be traveling up to Dallas together to spend the weekend with Juli right before Mom’s hip surgery.  Seth and I would not have our date nights and my time with Nana would be cut short, as I knew Mom was not physically capable of doing much with Juli by herself. That was why I was counting on my sister.

When I learned of Nana’s condition on Thursday, and I was realizing there was a possibility, due to the stroke, that the Nana I had seen a few weeks ago may have been the closest to my “old” Nana that I will ever see, I was angry at my sister and disappointed in my mom.  I was disappointed in my mom for not following through with a therapist, because I feel if she had been seeing a therapist on a regular basis, as I do, Seth does, Juli does, then their relationship wouldn’t have reached such an explosive point as it did a few weeks ago. I have already insisted Mom see a therapist when she moves in with us and she has agreed.

I’m angry at my sister because she readily admits to her behavior and expresses no regrets for her actions. She is also unrepentant for what happened a few months ago. When Juli was back in Texas for a few days in April, while Seth and I were in NYC, my sister took Juli to meet her biological father, and one of her half-sisters (of whom Juli did not know about yet), against my wishes,  and then proceeded to tell Juli not to tell me or else “it was a possible truth” I would never let her and Juli be alone together again. Juli proceeded not to let on to her secret for weeks until she finally told Seth after having a major tantrum directed towards me.  Even though it took a good month or so, Juli, fortunately, is now not only back to her old self, she's better than ever.

Meanwhile, Mom is now back in the hospital. I spoke with her Saturday night, and we had a long talk, and she sounded fine. I learned Sunday from what her friend and I were able to piece together, she soon thereafter called 911 because of severe, constant vomiting.  They are still trying to determine the cause.

And, so, both Mom and Nana are in the hospital, the doctors not entirely clear why they are in the hospital, and I’m thanking God we had such a great vacation to England!

In rememberance

I’ve known Cheryl for, gosh, over 15 years now. She is, and will always be, one of my dearest, most cherished friends. Thursday night, her mother passed away. She had moved back East from Los Angeles, where I met her in the early 90s, in large part to spend more time with her mom, to heal old wounds, and to forge a new understanding in their relationship. Happily, Cheryl and her mom accomplished that before Thursday.

The story of her mom’s last days is a lesson to us all, if we’re given the choice as to how to die. Her mom had uterine cancer and by the time she died, it had spread quite a bit. Medicare had paid for a hospice nurse to not only help Cheryl’s mom but Cheryl herself since she had moved in recently to be closer to her Mom and to assist her Mom in daily living.

Earlier in the week, there had been an incident that would have prompted many people to have sent their loved one to the hospital, in an attempt to wrest a few more hours together.  Her Mom had had a seizure. However, Cheryl and the hospice nurse told the paramedics, who were summoned by  another loved one, to simply leave. They did. And thank God they did because a few days later, when she did pass away, she was in her own home, with Cheryl’s beloved cat of 2 decades resting on her Mom’s lap, and Cheryl and her sister singing to her. In other words, no machines or horrible lights or beeping or strangers—just love. 

May we all be so blessed.

Day three/four in London

And so the London trip is over. However, we got a lot in over the weekend! Seth was filming most of Saturday and so Juli and I crammed in not one, not two, but three museums (all free)! First, we went to the British Museum, which was a hop, skip, and a jump from our hotel.  (wow! I just remembered  we also all managed to get in a visit to the National Gallery on Friday, where Juli sketched her own version of Van Gogh’s Sunflowers). Anyway, at the British Museum, Juli and I mainly focused on their mummy collection. We saw the mummy of a child who was about Juli’s age. We talked about how it was so hard to believe this was a real kid, just like Juli, who had parents, who went to school, had friends, and was now here in a museum having strangers looking at him. Strange world.

Juli and I got adventurous afterward and took a double decker bus (riding on top in the front) in the direction of the Natural History and Science Museum (right next to each other). We were seeing the city in a completely different way. We loved it. With it being all glass in front, we got to see more than we could in any other way. It was fantastic! The ride terminated at Parliament and the bus driver was no help in getting us to the next bus we needed. This was often the case in the U.K. The people we encountered were very nice but they stunk at giving directions! And so we walked a bit until we found a bus that was going to, at the very least, get us closer to our destination.  Juli was tired and hungry but every place we got to cost a fortune. We were getting closer and closer to the Natural History Museum, which I figured would be at least a bit more reasonable. And that’s exactly what we ended up doing. Eating the kids meals there! Both of us! We did a quick tour of both museums before heading off to the Princess Diana Memorial Playground. We had made plans to meet two of my sister’s friends at the playground. They had offered to spend time with Juli, giving me and Seth a date night.  

On my way back to the hotel, my phone rang. It was Mom. I figured it was important because she knew how expensive the phone calls were at $1.00 a minute! She had only been home a few days—after having returned to the hospital after only one day home after surgery and rehab due to a urinary tract infection. She was calling to tell me…she had sold the house! September 18^th, a few days before Juli’s 9^th birthday! So, it looks indeed true that Mom will be moving in with us! If only a reality tv crew had been filming our lives this year, we’d be bigger than whatever that couple’s names are with all the kids on TLC.  Anyway, she called to ask my advice as the price was a little bit less than what she had asked and I told her to go for it.  She signed the contract that afternoon.

Seth and I ended up going to this really great Dim Sum place not far from our hotel. I had the best meal I’ve had in a long time. Shredded beef. All the beef and dairy in Great Britain is from Great Britain and the difference between what we’ve got here in the states—including the stuff I get at the farmer’s market—doesn’t compare to what the Brits take for granted every day. Really great stuff.  After dinner, I got in a trip to the grocery store. Tesco. Seth had been making fun of me all week for buying groceries here and there and stuffing them in the suitcase. For me, going to a grocery store in a new place tells you so much about the local culture. And so, I ended up getting my favorite British biscuits and drinks (that have only sugar, not corn syrup) and carrying them back to the hotel.

And so by Sunday, I was exhausted! Juli really just wanted to stay in the hotel all day and watch “telly.” But I convinced her to go to Charing Cross Road, which is chockfull of book stores. I had told Juli I would buy her another book by the author of “006 and a Bit,” the book I had read her at the library in Liverpool.  We found several, but I told her only one and so she picked her favorite. I figured the rest would be great birthday gifts! I bought a few other books for myself, Seth, and Mom. Juli then told me she wanted to see “Harry Potter,” which I had told her a week ago might be fun to see in England, but by the time we got to the theater where I knew it was playing, it had already started and the next one wouldn’t be finished until after Seth’s show had started. We headed back to the hotel.

I left Juli there to watch telly for a bit, now that she’s proven she’s responsible for me to do that sort of thing, and I explored a bit more of the city—just walking around and looking for gifts for Mom’s friends who were so great in taking care of her while we were away. Juli and I met Seth at the theater around 6, got a quick bite to eat, and then walked around Covent Garden, looking for last-minute gifts, before heading to the theater. We got a quick backstage tour—Drowsy Chaperone and Spring Awakening were the last shows to play there—before we took our seats—front row, center, of the mezzanine. Very cool!

The kids were so inspiring. Their public high school was one of 500 schools in the UK to enter this competition to have a chance to take “Grease” to London’s West End for one night. As they all sang the opening number, I started crying. It was so heartwarming to see these kids, and all of their friends and family cheering them on in the audience, live their dream. Most of them will not do any other acting outside of high school. This wasn’t American Idol. This was just a bunch of high school kids who had a dream, had a supportive drama teacher, and they went for it. To watch them, knowing that years from now, this night will remain one of their highlights of their lives, as well as for their parents, was very moving to me. And, of course, they loved Seth.  I didn’t really want to go upstairs to the dressing rooms before the show to meet everyone—the place was super hot!—but Seth wanted me to because he wanted the kids to see him as part of a gay couple. He thought that was important for them to see us, and Juli, all together. He was right, of course, and so I wiped my brow, and went up the stairs. The kids were so enthusiastic and sweet.

Afterwards, at the post-show party, John Reid, the manager I mentioned in the last blog, asked me to sing at his birthday party in New York next month, the one Seth is putting together. I reminded him I wasn’t a Broadway star like the others that would be singing and he said it didn’t matter, that I was part of the family now. He said how touched he was to see me and Seth and Juli together as a family. He said it was very meaningful to him and that he would be honored if I sang at his party. I said yes and that it was an honor to be asked.

And that was our trip in a nutshell.  We left the hotel at 8:30 am the next morning and got back to our apartment at 5pm (10pm London time). A truly amazing experience for all of us.

 

Day One/Two in London

After a fun, quick train ride on Virgin from Liverpool, we arrived in London Wednesday night at 10pm. After finally finding the car the production company had sent for us, Seth asked the driver the magic question. “Can our daughter sit in the front?” Juli  had been wanting to sit in the front seat ever since we both saw a girl about Juli’s age sitting in what is our driver’s side in Liverpool. To us, it was the total illusion of this 8-year-old girl driving her Mum around town. Taxis don’t allow anyone to sit in front. That’s where the luggage goes. However, a private car for hire, is fine. I had looked up the laws and it was totally legal as long as the seatbelt was on, of course.  Juli was thrilled to sit in the front, which meant her first look at London, even for the short trip to the hotel, was from the front seat of a car! It would end up being a highlight of the entire trip for her.

Even though it was late after we had checked in (we had an air mattress put in our room), we had to walk around our neighborhood a bit. 7 dials was our new favorite place in London. It is where 7 roads come together at a monument with 7 dials on top of it. “Chicago” was playing there. We also learned that the “West End” means that the large, beautiful old theaters we are used to seeing concentrated in the Broadway district are actually spread out all over London.  

Thursday was hot. We did a lot of walking…and sweating. Juli was a good sport, despite her eczema giving her trouble with all the sweat and heat. We went to the London Eye, where we could see practically all of London. The view was incredible. We then made our way to Buckingham Palace, passing Westminster Abbey and Parliament along the way. Of course, Juli’s highlight was seeing pigeons that were different from the ones she sees in New York!

Thursday evening was amazing. We met with three great gents at the Ivy, this exclusive club/restaurant. I checked online first to see if they had a dress code. Thankfully, they did not. What I did not think to check was if the club accepted children. They did not. However, the three gentlemen have a bit of sway. We were meeting with John, who was the manager for Andrew Lloyd Webber, Queen, and Elton John, among others; his partner, James, who will begin studies this fall in New York for his Masters in musical theater writing,; and their friend, Jonathan, who actually helped Seth get his job, who was a top manager of models in London and was a judge on the U.K.’s version of “Top Model.” It ended up being just the six of us on this particular floor of the club. We had a great time. Juli was super. She knows how to hold her own in conversation.  Not only that, but she modeled a few different looks for our evening of theater. John had gotten us tickets to see “”Sister Act.”  They loved her various “looks”!

It had begun raining during our dinner but we got a taxi right away to whisk us off to the show. When we got out of the cab, who did we see? Joan Collins. Not only that, she’s the one who approached John. (I later learned they’ve known each other for decades). She ended up sitting in front of John. Right before the show began we met with two of John’s friends, sisters. One is in the House of Lords (who also ran Tony Blair’s campaigns) and the other one is in the House of Commons.  We had a great chat during the “interval”, aka the intermission, about Tony Blair, Bill Clinton, and George W. Bush, as well as the Iraq War. I only wished the interval had been longer!

We had a lot of fun at the show, though we got caught in a major downpour afterwards! We couldn’t get a taxi and we all walked in the rain for a solid 15 minutes. We later found out the amount of rain that came down in London that night is what they usually get in one whole month in the summer there! We didn’t mind. It just added to the experience.  The evening ended with us being invited to a birthday party the next evening for another member of Parliament, as well as an invitation to arrange a private tour the next day at Parliament. Yes, the day was that British! Oh, did I also mention I had fish and chips? By the way, Juli held her own in conversations with both women. I was quite proud of her.

Friday morning we got our tour. We didn’t see anything that anyone else on tour wouldn’t see, but it was great to get some inside scoop on how things operate there and to have a bit more freedom in walking around this truly extraordinary place.  Afterward, we met a good friend of Seth’s, (for 20 years, actually,) who won the Olivier Award for “Jerry Springer, the Opera” a few years ago. We met David for tea at The Orangerie at Kensington Palace. It was fun but hot! Practically nothing is air conditioned in London. David was inspiring because he had pretty much given up on the business before hitting it big in Jerry Springer when he was about my age.

Later that evening, we went to “Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.” The company manager of the tv show got us all great seats for the show.  I haven’t seen the movie in years but essentially it’s a jukebox musical with a transsexual as the lead. The understudy was on in that role and he was fantastic.  The theater was gorgeous. The Palace…as was the Palladium, which is where we saw “Sister Act.” So much history in both theaters.

So that was our first 48 hours in London. We got a lot in. Only a little more than 48 hours remaining before we had to head back home!

 

Day four/five in Liverpool

Our last two days in Liverpool (Tuesday and Wednesday) were jampacked. We all went to the World Museum, which is housed in the same building as the central library and art museum. The building was blitzed during World War II, so only the original shell remains. The inside isn't nearly as attractive but it was all free and fun. I read to her a few books in the children's section of the library. She already wants to find other books written by the author of "006 and a Bit." Sounds pretty British, right? The art museum had all sorts of kids' activities.

We quickly visited Matthew Street Tuesday night but kept it short. Too many drunks. Not exactly kid friendly after dark. But it's significant because it was in a club on this street, The Cavern, where the Beatles played for a few years before becoming known outside of Liverpool. Seth took a quick picture of me and Juli before we hightailed it out of there.

Wednesday, Juli and I visited another museum (again, free!). Here we both learned that the "Lusitania," the ocean liner sunk in 1915, which is the event that brought the U.S. into World War I, was from Liverpool AND that the "Titanic" was registered in Liverpool and had numerous Liverpool connections, including the 8 musicians who played (and died) until the ship eventually sank. They had many interactive exhbits, including ones pertaining to customs and all of the illegal wares smuggled into the country. It was a lesson for life, I think, that in the future, if she ever considers going against the law in bringing something across a country's borders, she better think twice.

Afterward, we made our way to St. Luke's, also known to locals as the "burnt-out church" for being, again, only a shell of a church after being bombed out during yet another blitz during World War II. Seth and I asked Juli to imagine being a child during that time and being sent away to the countryside to live with strangers because of fears of being killed or of staying in the city and having to go underground whenever the sirens blared.

Finally, we squeezed in a trip to Costco (to load up on local British food) and to Toys R Us. The Costco is arranged identically the same, as is Toys R Us. It wa fun...though rushed...because we had to hurry back to the hotel to pack (meaning me while Juli watched the telly). We found out we were able to catch a train to London (instead of a van to take us the next day) Wednesday evening.

More next time!

 

Day two/three in Liverpool

 Ok, we've only been here for three days and we can't help ourselves from speaking in horrible British accents...well, except for Juli. She's got a great ear and is quite good at imitating the elevator. Yes, the elevator. The soothing female voice tells us when we get on it--I mean, the lift--"door opening...door closing..." etc. Juli imitates the voice perfectly. She may have a career option when she's older.

While Seth was at work on Sunday, Juli and I made our way to the Chester Zoo...barely. It seems like every person we ask in Liverpool and its environs for directions either gives contradictory steps to get to our asked-for destination or they don't have a clue as to where it is. Juli and I learned this the hard way on our way to the zoo. We were told by the gate agent at the train that it was cheapest to buy a combo train/zoo ticket and that there was a free shuttle to pick up zoo visitors at the Bache station. We get off there, after a 45-minute train ride on which we're falling asleep, only to find there is no place marked to meet a shuttle. We walked around for a while, lost, with some other tourists with the same problem. We find a bus you can pay for to get there, except it only runs every hour...and we just miss it. Juli and I are both on the verge of a breakdown. If I hadn't already paid the equivalent of almost $50 for the whole trip, I would've given up.

We meet someone who tells us the zoo is a 30-minute walk. He gives us the directions. We start walking. We stop someone along the way, just to check we're going the right way. He tells us no, we're going the wrong way. I don't trust he knows what he's talking about and so we keep trekking. We then stop someone else, who says, indeed, we are going the right way. We finally make it--after a now total of over an hour of walking. But...we make it! We're only there for two hours but we make the most of it. Fortunately, it is a great zoo.  When we get on the shuttle to go back to the station, we find out that the shuttle actually goes back and forth between a completely different station!!! We were told the wrong information from the very beginning. We wind up just looking at it all as part of our English adventure.

Monday, I needed to find a more economical adventure for us while Seth was working. We took a train to Southport (which is still a bit on the expensive side at $10) in order to go to what is listed as one of the 10 best beaches in the UK. We rented a bike for two and rode to the beach (on the left-hand side!) for several miles. Great exercise and fun. We spent an hour on the beach, which is on the Irish Sea, looking for shells and getting our shoes filthy with sand and muck. We had a blast. We spent the rest of the afternoon at the hotel, where Juli got hooked on the CBBC, a block of children's programming on the telly.

Ok, time for breakfast and a trip to the World Museum and maybe even the Costco and Toys R Us that we can see from our hotel window--just to see how different they are from what we've got in the U.S. Cheerio!

Day one/two in Liverpool

 After we had a nice 5-hour nap, we went to explore the city center of Liverpool. We were still jet-lagged, after having not slept on the plane amidst the 60 movies and 100 television programs on the tv screen in the seat in front of us! Juli went from saying she hated to fly right before we got on board to her not wanting to get off the plane. Two hours into the flight, she asked me how much longer before we landed. I thought, "Oh, no, she's already asking me and we have four more hours." I reluctantly said, "Four more hours, honey." She said, "Oh, good. That means I can watch another two movies!" By the time we landed, he eyes were glazed over. Needless to say, she slept for the whole trip from Manchester to Liverpool.

After walking around Liverpool, Juli and I got a quick swim in at the hotel and then watched British "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" Juli would never watch that at home, but she so loves the accents, she eagerly watched it while I unpacked and Seth was at his meeting with the show's producers.

Mom update: Right before we got on the plane I spoke with Mom and she’s already in less pain than she was in just last week and on fewer painkillers. She said the pain she experienced the day of the surgery was worse than she had ever had, including child birth, but that now she can feel relief in her hip when she sits or walks (even with the walker). I couldn’t be happier for her.

Today, while Seth is at his first day of filming, Juli and I are headed for the Chester Zoo, the largest zoo in the U.K. The trick will be in getting there! The adventure continues...

Getting ready to leave for England...

We are getting ready to leave in a few hours for England. I will wrap up the bio dad story on the plane and then move on in the next several blog entries about our adventures abroad! It's time for some fun. This reality show that Seth is doing there is putting us up in a four-star hotel both in Liverpool, where we will be fore 5 nights, and then on to London for 4 nights. Next Thursday night we have house seats to "Sister Act." The former manager of Elton John and Freddy Mercury, among others, is a fan of Seth's and he arranged them. Very exciting! First show in the West End!

Mom update. She was transferred last night to a physical rehab place for a week. Up and about on her new hip with the help of a walker. Her friends are wonderful and are taking care of everything for her. They said, not to worry about anything and enjoy the trip.

We fly into Manchester and then we will be driven to Liverpool for an early check-in at the hotel. We are all going to try and sleep, which means Seth and Juli probably will and I will explore the city solo. Okay. Now onto packing and the millions of things one does before a big trip! Cheerio!